All's Fair In Love And War
by LaughingLefou
Summary: He wasn't sure what was more embarrassing; that he'd been so easily caught, or that he'd been outwitted by someone he'd never thought was that clever. Maybe in the end, the Scoundrel DID end up with the Queen. (One Shot. Very strong Hildavio)
_I do not own Legend of Zelda. That belongs to Nintendo._

 **All's Fair In Love and War**

* * *

 _This isn't fair._

Ravio would have vocally complained about the unfairness of the situation, had his mouth not already been preoccupied. It truly wasn't fair. There was no way on the face of existence he could misconstrue the message being shoved into his face at that very moment.

 _Seriously, she is being so unfair!_

It wasn't like all the other little signs that he could write off or ignore. It was all to easy to pretend that the little touches that lingered on for far longer than was appropriate were simply just coincidence. He could simply ignore the fact that his Queen had been coincidentally giving him tasks that kept him at her side at all times, so he'd neither the time, nor the energy to run away. If he really twisted things, he could even imagine that the long gazes that she affixed him with were simply her silently judging his choice in clothing.

But this?

He was sandwiched between an unforgivably hard and solid stone wall (Ravio desperately wished he had some sort of equipment that would let him phase through it, but no such luck) and the warm, soft and all too eager body of his Queen. Her full, plump lips, smooth as the silk sheets upon which she rested were pushed, no, _smashed_ against his own, and her arms wrapped around his form so he couldn't move. (Well, he _could_ have pushed her away if her were a callous, heartless and cruel bastard, but Ravio was none of these, so trapped he remained.)

 _Damn it! Damn it all!_

He wanted to deny her. He wanted to say something. Finally, her lips parted from his own to take a breath, his Queen's chest heaving with anxious breaths even as her beautiful eyes gazed into his own. Ravio took a deep breath, ready to break her heart, ready to tell her that he couldn't, no, _shouldn't_ be with her. He didn't deserve it.

Cowards didn't end up with Queens. For that fact, neither did traitors, or fallen heroes, or scoundrels and rogues and conmen and...well, everything that he was, in fact.

Of course, Hilda must have known what he'd been planning on saying. It was probably written clear as day upon his face, and the moment his mouth opened and he took in a breath to tell her what a foolish idea this was, and how he was never meant to remain in her arms, she took initiative once again, and smashed her lips back against his own.

This time, with plenty of tongue.

 _Are you kidding me?!_

* * *

 **[Three Years Ago]**

* * *

"I don't get it!"

Ravio looked up, his lips tilted upward in a smirk. "Oh? Don't get what, Your Majesty?"

Hilda narrowed her eyes at him, her own violet makeup-ed lips turning down in return. "I've been playing chess since I was but a young girl. I've been taught by some of the best and brightest minds on the intricacies of the game. I've played chess every week for the past twelve years of my life...and yet you, with nothing more than two previous games under your belt, have beaten me time and time again!"

The merchant, con-man and self-proclaimed coward shrugged. "What can I say? I've got the Devil's luck."

"Once, Ravio, is luck!" Queen Hilda crossed her arms angrily. It was a beautiful day outside, and the sunlight was streaming in the open window to the Queen's parlor room. She'd taken a break from her constant duties to play a game or two of chess with Ravio. By this point in time, Ravio had been working under her command for a full year and despite herself, she couldn't deny that she enjoyed his company. Even if he _could_ be insufferably arrogant at times. "Twice, maybe. You've won the past six games! How?!"

With a shrug, the violet haired boy continued to smirk that little smile of his. "Who knows. Maybe I'm just that smart."

If there was one thing Ravio hated, it was that his masks were as nothing in the eyes of Hilda. The Queen, from the very first meeting they'd ever had, could always see through his acting. At first, he pulled the usual act on her that he pulled on everyone. He acted the fool, the idiot, the innocent little merchant just trying to make quick buck. She gave him now, the same answer she gave him then: "Do not play me for an idiot, Ravio. I've been dealing with politicians all my life, so the machinations of a con-man are but child's play for me. Remove your masks and answer me truthfully."

Ravio rolled his eyes and sighed, staring out the window. He fell silent for a while, balancing his head on the palm of his hand with his elbow on the table upon which he and Hilda had been playing. Finally, his lips turned upward once more, but this time with a softer smile. "Simple. I cheated."

Hilda gave an indignant sputter. "You what?"

"Don't act so surprised. I am, after all, a con-man. Why do something honestly when doing things dishonestly can get the same results but easier? You were so focused upon your own side of the board that you didn't notice me palming pieces and putting them back onto my side of the board every time a servant came by with more news." Ravio explained, raising a single eyebrow at Hilda.

The purple haired Queen opened her mouth to chastise her confidant, when she stopped, and her beautiful countenance took on a more thoughtful expression. "I was...so focused on my side of the board..." She murmured softly, looking back down at the black and white checkered board between her and Ravio. After a few moments of contemplation, she looked back up at Ravio, but this time with a rare, and in Ravio's personal opinion, all too beautiful smile. "You were trying to teach me a lesson, weren't you?"

Ravio cocked an eyebrow and shrugged. "Me? Why would I do that? It'd make it all to hard to scam you if you're smarter. Whatever lesson you got out of this is on your head, not mine."

Hilda shook her head slowly. "Ravio?"

"Yes?"

"What have I said about masks?"

Ravio sighed. "Right. Another game?"

"Of course. This time, however, I will be keeping track of our pieces."

* * *

 **[Present]**

* * *

The scent of floral perfume filled his nostrils even as she slid her tongue into his mouth. Already he could feel his willpower weakening. He was always weak to her, whether it was to her touch, or to her words, and this time was especially no different. Almost subconsiously, he found himself sliding his arm around the small of her back and pulling her closer, and Hilda moaned her approval into his mouth, sending pleasant vibrations down his spine.

If his mouth wasn't so distracted, Ravio would have mentioned how she was acting _very_ un-Queenly in the moment. Queens did _not_ shove their tongues down the throats of traitorous scoundrels, and they most certainly did _not_ embrace them with a passion that would have embarrassed the most liberal maiden.

 _Wait…_

The floral smell. It was the same perfume that Hilda used when she'd just freshly bathed. Seeing how the moon was currently shining its silvery light through the lone window above them, Ravio was certain there was no reason for her to have just bathed unless...unless…

 _Hilda, you vixen! You planned this!_

A small part of him couldn't help but feel pride, knowing that the Queen, the beautiful Queen, had actually plotted to capture his heart like this. It was, however, drowned out by the rest of him stating that he did not deserve this. He'd done nothing for their country besides con the Hero out of a small fortune. Why then, why was Hilda, the Queen of Lorule, the most beautiful and desirable woman in the land, pressed so tightly up against him, softly whimpering and moaning into his mouth? Why then was her gaze filled with desire and hunger and need and lust and want and love and-

* * *

 **[Two Years Ago]**

* * *

He'd have left already if she hadn't commanded him to stay. He knew that sticking around would in incur the ire of not only Yuga, but potentially the other royalty who'd been staying in the castle during formal negotiations. He was a ruffian and a scoundrel. He didn't belong amidst such fancy trappings and, more to the point, by Hilda's side. Her right side, specifically. It was a message. _Ravio is my right hand. My most trusted confidant._ He stayed quiet, however. He wouldn't interfere in political machinations, even though a small part of him was already shaping a plan to put Lorule ahead of everyone once they left. He had the Queen's ear, and as a man used to screwing over everyone and anything around him, he didn't mind using those skills to further the status of Lorule.

This time, it was he who was distracted by his own thoughts, and hadn't noticed that the conversation had turned to entertainment. Yuga, the clown-faced bastard who Ravio hated more than any other in Hilda's court and who he certainly had fantasies of backstabbing in some dark alley, spoke up in that slimy voice of his that never failed to send shivers up his spine.

"Perhaps the scoundrel could entertain us with a card game?"

It was a _very_ thinly veiled insult. Not only did he refer to him as a scoundrel, but was almost hinting that he had no other purpose than to act as some jester to the Queen. An insult, both cutting and vicious bubbled behind Ravio's lips and he narrowed his gaze at Yuga, preparing to fire the verbal barb, when the air-headed and vapid tones of one of the nobles interrupted him.

"Oh my, a delightful suggestion! I have never had the chance to play a commoner's game!"

Ravio's insult died on his lips, and he turned silently to Hilda. Her head tilted, just enough for Ravio to notice her approval. The purple haired boy shrugged and leaped down from his perch on the windowsill, landing with almost cat-like grace. He reached into the sleeves of his purple merchant's robe and withdrew a deck of cards with a predatory gleam in his eye. "I suppose I could play a game or two," Ravio explained, feigning confidence he did not have, "If I do so, Yuga, I expect you to pony up."

"Pony up?" One of the other nobles, a woman whose hair must have taken two hours and an entire team of servants, spoke up questioningly.

Yuga sneered even as he reached into his own robes to procure a wallet bursting at the seems with Rupees. "A colloquial term used by peasants meaning to make a bet. Will you be relying on the generosity of Her Majesty to...how did you put it, 'pony up?'"

Ravio stared the slimy bastard down and slowly withdrew his own wallet, just as big and just as full from his own robes, and slowly smiled. "I shouldn't think so, Yuga. Careful though. These...peasant games are a little trickier than they appear..."

* * *

Ravio loved the sound of Hilda's laughter, as rare was it was. The sun had just dipped below the horizon, and the nobles had left, their pockets much lighter than when they'd arrived. It was a testament to how rich they were, however, that even Ravio bilking them out of a small fortune didn't seem to phase them. They simply seemed happy to, quote, 'play a game of cards with a real life rogue.' Yuga, on the other hand, had all but stomped out of the room, humiliated as Ravio scammed him for every Rupee he had on his person. "The...look on his face..." Hilda managed to choke out in between chortles and laughter.

Her confidant shrugged. "I told him, I have the Devil's luck."

Hilda's laughter died down, but her lips were still turned upward into a demure smile. She raised a single eyebrow with amused glance. "Oh? And the cards I saw you palming out of your sleeve had nothing to do with it?"

The Queen's amusement only increased as Ravio gave a choking noise and almost fell from his perch, giving a nervous chuckle. "Y-you saw that?"

"I _always_ watch for your cheating when we play games, Ravio." Hilda murmured, trying (and failing) to look serious and regal.

"Eheheh..." Ravio scratched the back of his head and slowly pulled out his wallet, filled with his ill-gotten gains. "I suppose...you'll be wanting this back then?"

Hilda tried to remain somber, but a snorting laugh later destroyed that illusion, and she waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, no, keep it. If only just to drive Yuga mad."

Ravio smiled, but the smile was short lived. "Why...why do you…?"

"Keep him around?" The Queen's expression fell back to its usual somber gaze. "He...he does a good job. Thus far, he's been trustworthy, despite his...less than pleasant attitude. I know you dislike him, but I trust him."

Ravio sighed. "For what reason, I'll never know."

"Oh? I also trust a conman..." Hilda murmured, her crimson gaze locking him in place.

Ravio stared into her eyes for a while, barely registering Hilda placing her hand over his own, before he turned away, looking back out the window he was balancing in with a sigh. "For what reason...I'll never know..."

* * *

 **[Present]**

* * *

Their lips separated again, a thin trail of saliva connecting the two. Queen and Scoundrel breathed heavily, trying to catch their breath. No words passed between them, although Hilda stared up into Ravio's eyes with overwhelming need.

 _She'd caught him, back to her, trying to find the right stone to access the secret passageway out of the castle so he could escape. He'd been planning his egress for quite some time, although it had been difficult what with Hilda constantly keeping him at her side for every reason under the sun short of outright commanding him to never leave her. It was as though she knew that Ravio, unable to bear his previous betrayal and cowardice, had been planning on leaving Lorule to go...die in a ditch somewhere?_

 _Whatever he was planning, he was stopped from it. He, of course, tried to lie his way out of the situation._

 _"Where are you going?"_

 _"Y-Your Majesty! I...was just going...to the tavern?"_

 _"...You're leaving me."_

 _"J-just for a little while!"_

 _It was the feather light touch of her hand on his shoulder that stopped him dead in his tracks, and when she turned him around, before he could say another word to defend himself, or try to escape, Hilda had sprung her trap and shoved her lips against his. It was the last ditch attempt of the beautiful Queen to keep the one person she cherished above all others close to her._

The worst part was...it was working.

He tried to catch his thoughts one last time to try and convince Hilda of what a terrible idea this was. Once more however, Hilda pushed their mouths together again. This time, it was Ravio's turn to moan, but this time in frustration. She knew what she was doing. She was almost like a small child in this situation, figuring that if he couldn't speak, he'd eventually cave and let her do as she willed.

Still, as the third kiss continued, Ravio knew that she was right. This time, his other arm wrapped around her waist and Hilda in turn, sandwiched him more firmly between herself and the wall. Her dainty hands tangled themselves in his hair as she continued to ravage his mouth, hot and heavy. Between her hands, her lips, her body and most devestating, her gaze, Ravio felt his will crumble to dust. The next her lips parted from his own, she spoke only a single sentence.

" _huff..._ My... _puff..._ room..." Hilda managed to get out, breathily, her chest heaving.

 _Was she always so...sizable?_

Ravio shook his head to dislodge those thoughts, but soon found his head being held in place before Hilda once more captured his lips. He picked her up and she, in turn, wrapped her legs around his waist as the two of them began to wander the castle halls, kissing each other with passion and hunger. Evidently Hilda didn't care a bit if they were caught, although the chances of that were slim. Even after Lorule had been saved, Hilda was working with a skeleton staff, and guards were rarely in the castle walls after sundown.

Even as they made their way toward her room, Ravio could only think to himself, _My hands are currently groping Her Majesty...I am touching her lovely ass…_

 _I'd say I'm going to hell, but with what she has planned, I don't think I'm even close, yet._

* * *

 **[The Next Morning]**

* * *

They'd made love for hours.

It was if all the passion and love that Hilda had been holding for Ravio had been unleashed in one night of desperate, hungry, needy pleasure that left both of them sweaty, exhausted and, well…

Happy.

Oh, he'd curse himself for this later, more than likely, but as Ravio stared up into the smiling, soft face of his Queen as she straddled him, her violet hair back lit by the rising sun in the window, he couldn't bring himself to feel down, and the voices in his head that filled with him with such self loathing were quiet at last.

Still, he couldn't help but feel just a small bit of chagrin at how easily Hilda had ensnared him. Breaking his will with a few kisses and a night of mind blowing passion. He wasn't what was more embarrassing; that he'd been so easily caught, or that he'd been outwitted by someone he'd never thought was _that_ clever. He sighed and grasped her hand, smiling back as she affixed him with the most beautiful of smiles.

"You cheated." Ravio spoke softly.

"I know." Hilda softly murmured back, lying back down onto Ravio before kissing him one more time, staring into his eyes with pure happiness. "Who do you think I've learned it from?"

It was with that, that Ravio knew that he was hopelessly, and unequivocally in love with Hilda.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad, after all.

Maybe in the end, the Scoundrel _did_ end up with the Queen.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note: My first non-RWBY fic! A little one-shot based on Ravio and Hilda. I love the concept of Ravio, and I want to see more of him in fanfiction. I can't help but picture him as both self-loathing, and quite roguish. The kind of person who'd actually lie, cheat and backstab for the right reasons. The Chaotic Good to Link's Lawful Good. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this could be a very interesting take on the character. I might think about doing more with him in the future, but for the time being, hopefully this entertains you all.**_


End file.
